I was standing at a hotel coffee station last month, holding a tiny porcelain creamer shaped like a cow, when a stranger walked up next to me and said: “Hello.” My brain went completely blank. I couldn’t even summon a “how about this weather?” level of reply.
If you’ve ever had that moment, you’re in excellent company. As a professional speaker and executive coach, I talk for a living, and I still get caught flat-footed by a casual greeting.
Small talk might seem inconsequential, but it’s the warm-up before the real workout of connection. Like any warm-up, it goes a lot better when you know a few moves.
So I keep three easy lead-ins in my back pocket. They work in almost any setting, whether you are in an elevator, at a conference happy hour or during the two minutes before a Zoom kicks off. None of them require you to be naturally charming. They just require you to pay a tiny bit of attention.
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1. Notice something small, then compliment it
This one is almost cheating. Find one specific thing about the person — their lunch, their notebook, a sharp point they made in the last meeting — and name it.
You might say something like, “That salad looks like it took planning. What’s in it?” Or, “You made a really good case for pushing the launch. How did you land on that timeline?”
Compliments are the cheat code many adults forgot existed after middle school, but specificity is what makes them actually land. Vague flattery (“nice presentation!”) feels like a LinkedIn comment that is polite, performative and instantly forgettable.
When you notice something specific, it tells the other person you’re actually here with them and that you care.
2. Ask a detailed question
Most small talk dies because the questions aren’t strong enough to hold any weight. “How was your weekend?” you ask. “Good,” they reply. End scene.
The fix is to build the question with a little more scaffolding.
Instead of, “how was the meeting?” you might try, “what surprised you in that meeting?” Swap out “how’s your week?” for “what are you actually working on right now that you’re into?”
The construction of the question is what invites a real answer. You’re asking your conversation partner to tell you a story. If you give them the chance, people almost always have one that they would love to share.
3. Drop a conversational thread
This is the move I teach most often. A conversational thread is a small piece of information you offer up for the other person to grab onto.
Instead of answering “how was your weekend?” with “good,” try: “It was great. My kid learned to make scrambled eggs and brought me breakfast in bed, which was both adorable and slightly burnt.”
Now the other person has options. They can ask about your kid. They can confess their own kitchen disasters. They can tell you their teenager still won’t crack an egg. You’ve handed them three or four threads to pull on instead of a conversational dead end.
This is the move that helps the shyest, most introverted, most socially anxious people relax. It takes the pressure off them to invent a question. You’ve done half the work.
Small talk doesn’t have to be painful, and it doesn’t have to be deep. It just has to be a little bit specific.
Try one of these on your next coffee run, next elevator ride or next pre-meeting silence. Watch what happens when “how about this weather” finally gets the retirement it deserves.
Henna Pryor, CSP, is a global keynote speaker who helps leaders and teams communicate with confidence and authenticity. She is a SUCCESS Magazine Woman of Influence, LinkedIn Learning Instructor, and Glassdoor WorkLife Pro. She is the author of “Good Awkward: How to Embrace the Embarrassing and Celebrate the Cringe to Become The Bravest You.” Henna is an expert instructor for CNBC’s online course, How To Talk To People At Work.
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