Many people think that charisma is an innate trait. As a behavioral researcher who has spent over 10 years studying what makes people magnetic, I’ve found that this isn’t the case.
Highly charismatic people have conversation patterns that they use to be more memorable. But anyone can use them to make stronger connections and leave people with a sense of warmth and camaraderie.
There are five phrases that the most charismatic people use over and over again. None of them require you to be the loudest person in the room. All you have to do is pay attention and listen with genuine interest and respect.
1. ‘I was hoping I’d run into you.’
Most people underestimate how much other people enjoy their company. This is a warm phrase that’s almost guaranteed to make people feel good about themselves, and you.
When to use it: Say this as someone walks into a meeting or party. Not as surface-level flattery, but as a sincere way to tell them, “You specifically make this place better.”
2. ‘You’re going to love this.’
This phrase is a great way to say “you are one of my people.” It’s a verbal gift that allows you to share a secret joy together. If you have a recommendation, question or idea you know someone will appreciate, get them excited by sharing it with them.
When to use it: This one is pretty universal. You can employ it right before you share a story you know someone will get a kick out of, or before you tell them about a restaurant or event that’s relevant to their interests.
3. ‘What was that like for you?’
When someone talks about something that clearly lights them up, take it a step further by asking a version of “What was that like for you?” or “Tell me more about that.” If you can, give support cues during your conversation like leaning in and nodding your head. This helps others feel interesting and heard.
When to use it: This one’s easy to drop in the middle of a conversation, especially when you hear something that is intriguing to you. Use this to emphasize something that your conversation partner is obviously proud of or excited about. Give them a chance to shine.
4. ‘I always leave our conversations thinking…’
This tells someone that your relationship is valuable and that they made a lasting impression on you. Most of the time, they might have no idea you feel that way about them. Charismatic people actively name their positive feelings out loud.
When to use it: This one is a great conversation closer. Use it at the end of a team meeting or coffee chat. If you think that someone is always funny, insightful or caring, tell them. We all need a reminder of how great we are.
5. ‘I’ve been wanting to ask you something.’
Asking for someone’s knowledge gives them an instant confidence boost. It shows you were thinking about them when they weren’t around. It also demonstrates that you view them as someone who is a trusted authority.
When to use it: You can use this phrase with a co-worker or your boss before you take on a project. But this isn’t exclusively for professional settings. Think of all the people in your life — what advice could they give you? Then go seek them out.
Vanessa Van Edwards is a speaker, researcher and the author of “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People″ and “Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.” She is the founder of Science of People, where she leads workshops and courses on science-based soft skills to help people become better communicators. Her latest book, “Conversation: How to Be Instantly Likeable in Any Interaction” will be published in October 2026.
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